I have been trying to write this post for awhile, but I have been busy and then sick and I am just getting around to it! For a good part of this adoption process I have struggled with really feeling like we, as a couple, were needed for domestic newborn adoption. There are actually more couples waiting to adopt a newborn than there are babies being born. On the flip side however, as a couple we also felt for a long time that we weren't ready to adopt a child between the ages of 2-5 which is most common in international adoption and resulted in us choosing domestic newborn adoption. The past few weeks however, I feel like God has been hammering me over the head with the importance of domestic newborn adoption and where we as a couple are needed. Now, before you think I'm just flip-flopping back and forth between domestic newborn and international, I should state again that at this point, our paperwork is not finished for international and we are remaining open to both for the time being.
The past few weeks God has been stressing to me how important it is for couples to step up and support women who choose adoption rather than abortion for their babies. We need to be willing to step up at any time and say that we are willing to adopt these babies. Just like in international adoption, this could be the difference between life and death for a child. I truly believe that most women do not want to choose abortion, but they are scared and unfamiliar with the adoption process. They think that it will cost them too much, but they don't realize that it won't cost them anything, the adoptive parents cover all of the legal fees! They also don't realize that they are not "giving their baby up", they are placing their baby with a family that can care for that baby in a way that they can't at that point. They are in control of deciding what type of adoption they want, whether that be closed with no contact, some contact with pictures and letters or open to the point where they can visit their baby and be part of their child's life.
I know that abortion is a touchy topic, and I would never judge anyone who has had an abortion, but I think that everyone reading this blog probably knows where I stand. I also believe that there is a lack of education surrounding abortion and the emotional effects that it ultimately has not only on the mother, but the father as well.
Parents who choose to place their children for adoption are incredibly brave and deserve the utmost respect. They also deserve a community of people that will support them throughout their pregnancy and their decision to give their child life. I now understand that that is our role in domestic newborn adoption.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
iPad Mini raffle!
Many of you may have seen this on Facebook, but for those of you who don't have Facebook or are not "friends" with Elias or myself, I wanted to post our latest fundraiser here. We are raffling off a brand new iPad Mini! Entries are $10 apiece or 3 for $25. All you have to do to enter is click here: https://www.smartypig.com/loves/eliasjesszehr
Then you click "contribute" and choose our first account labeled "Adoption Account" (we have two because it makes withdrawing money as needed easier with this type of account). You can then enter the amount for the number of entries you are making. Under "optional message", leave your phone number so that we can contact you if you win! We will also announce the winner on Facebook at "Elias and Jessica are hoping to adopt". This is a community page, so anyone can view it. The drawing will be held May 6 and the winner will be notified and announced on May 7. Anyone can enter and the iPad will be shipped directly to you. It's super easy and only only $10 to enter! We can't wait to see who wins!
Please note, that if you do not feel comfortable entering online, please contact us and we will send you our address so that you can send us a check.
Then you click "contribute" and choose our first account labeled "Adoption Account" (we have two because it makes withdrawing money as needed easier with this type of account). You can then enter the amount for the number of entries you are making. Under "optional message", leave your phone number so that we can contact you if you win! We will also announce the winner on Facebook at "Elias and Jessica are hoping to adopt". This is a community page, so anyone can view it. The drawing will be held May 6 and the winner will be notified and announced on May 7. Anyone can enter and the iPad will be shipped directly to you. It's super easy and only only $10 to enter! We can't wait to see who wins!
Please note, that if you do not feel comfortable entering online, please contact us and we will send you our address so that you can send us a check.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
"STUCK"
There is a documentary that has been going around the international adoption community. This documentary is called "STUCK". "STUCK" was produced by the organization, Both Ends Burning, and is currently on tour around the country. Thankfully, it is also on sale online line for $12.99, which is how we chose to purchase it. The purpose of this documentary is to bring national attention to the challenges of international adoption with hopes that the US government will make some necessary changes to help bring children, living in institutions around the world, home to their forever families. I strongly promotes that children's homes and orphanages aren't bad, but they also shouldn't be a permanent solution. These children should not be living in in these homes that that don't have enough staff to care for them, when there are families that would be willing to adopt them if the process wasn't so challenging.
It also acknowledges that, yes, children would be better off in their country of origin, if they were able to receive adequate care and have a family there. Unfortunately, many of these countries do not currently have a foster care or adoption system established to provide this type of care for these children. I cannot say enough about this film. It educates regarding the complexity of the process while also addressing the impact that the flaws in our current system are having on children that are waiting to be adopted as well as adoptive families. If you have any interest in international adoption or orphans throughout the world, I would highly recommend that you watch this documentary. If you are interested in viewing trailer or watching this film, here is the link: http://buy.stuckdocumentary.com
If you are interested in the organization Both Ends Burning, you can check out their site here: https://bothendsburning.org
You all know by know that Elias and I have a huge heart for adoption and a special place in our hearts for international adoption. This information is vital to the future of international adoption. One fact that stuck out in my mind from this film was that Guatemala, who has been closed off to adoptions to the US for the past few years now, now has government run orphanages that are housing 750 children! Guatemala has been in the process of revamping their adoption system to become a Hague Convention country, meaning that simply put, they would comply with an international treaty that was established to protect intercountry adoption. A country doesn't have to come a Hague country, but many times they are told that they need to correct issues and they choose to become Hague compliant, which has actually turned into a negative thing and has resulted in countries closing off international adoption for up to 10 years at this point. Sadly, in an institution where there are 750 children to care for, there is likely is not enough staff to care for all of them and they certainly are not getting the love and attention that they need to be getting. Please join us in praying for international adoption and the changes that need to happen to bring more children home to their mommys and daddys.
Also, on a side note, we are planning on having a fundraising garage sale this summer and we are taking donations! If you or someone you know has items that you would like to donate please contact us and we will let you know how you can do so! Thank you!
It also acknowledges that, yes, children would be better off in their country of origin, if they were able to receive adequate care and have a family there. Unfortunately, many of these countries do not currently have a foster care or adoption system established to provide this type of care for these children. I cannot say enough about this film. It educates regarding the complexity of the process while also addressing the impact that the flaws in our current system are having on children that are waiting to be adopted as well as adoptive families. If you have any interest in international adoption or orphans throughout the world, I would highly recommend that you watch this documentary. If you are interested in viewing trailer or watching this film, here is the link: http://buy.stuckdocumentary.com
If you are interested in the organization Both Ends Burning, you can check out their site here: https://bothendsburning.org
You all know by know that Elias and I have a huge heart for adoption and a special place in our hearts for international adoption. This information is vital to the future of international adoption. One fact that stuck out in my mind from this film was that Guatemala, who has been closed off to adoptions to the US for the past few years now, now has government run orphanages that are housing 750 children! Guatemala has been in the process of revamping their adoption system to become a Hague Convention country, meaning that simply put, they would comply with an international treaty that was established to protect intercountry adoption. A country doesn't have to come a Hague country, but many times they are told that they need to correct issues and they choose to become Hague compliant, which has actually turned into a negative thing and has resulted in countries closing off international adoption for up to 10 years at this point. Sadly, in an institution where there are 750 children to care for, there is likely is not enough staff to care for all of them and they certainly are not getting the love and attention that they need to be getting. Please join us in praying for international adoption and the changes that need to happen to bring more children home to their mommys and daddys.
Also, on a side note, we are planning on having a fundraising garage sale this summer and we are taking donations! If you or someone you know has items that you would like to donate please contact us and we will let you know how you can do so! Thank you!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
A few bumps in the road
Some of you may have been waiting for an update and I have intentionally been waiting to provide you with one. If you have been following us thus far, you are probably learning that this journey is full of challenges, ups and downs and sometimes just plain chaos. So once, again we are facing some bumps in the road. We submitted all of our paperwork to the agency that we had chosen for adoption from The Congo. They accepted our pre-application packet and sent us the next set of paperwork that we needed! This was all very exciting until we started talking about our homestudy. Our current homestudy is written for domestic adoption, international homestudies require quite a bit more and have to be country specific. I was under the impression that converting a homestudy from domestic to international would not be that big of a deal. Even our social worker that wrote our homestudy didn't imply that it would be that much work. The agency however, thinks that we should get a whole new homestudy done since this one would need "significant changes". Our social worker is willing to convert our homestudy either for free or a very small fee where as a whole study would cost a lot more. So this could simply be a bump in the road that the enemy is using to discourage us, or it could be a stopping point for now.
In addition to all of this, I spoke with our attorney yesterday just to let her know where we are at and what our plans are. She understood and was very helpful, but she herself does not do international adoptions due to their complexity. She did however recommend that we stay signed on with her and the other agency that we are working even while we work towards this transition. Many people have asked me why we can't be open to both domestic and international at the same time. I have also wondered this, but at one point I was told it wasn't wise so we didn't pursue it. Our attorney however, is saying different and that she has had friends who have done this very successfully. So for now, we are remaining open to both. We will prayerfully consider any situation that comes up on either side and follow the road that God has set before us. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that just when I think I have God's plan figured out, I discover that I don't. So for now we are open, and the only thing that we know for sure is that we will adopt a child eventually.
Lastly I just want to thank everyone who has supported us throughout this process. I have read so many sad stories of families that are adopting and, for a variety of reasons, people do not support their decision. Thank you for never saying anything negative to us about this process, but rather walking alongside of us, supporting us. Many blessings to all of you! We will continue to keep you updated!
In addition to all of this, I spoke with our attorney yesterday just to let her know where we are at and what our plans are. She understood and was very helpful, but she herself does not do international adoptions due to their complexity. She did however recommend that we stay signed on with her and the other agency that we are working even while we work towards this transition. Many people have asked me why we can't be open to both domestic and international at the same time. I have also wondered this, but at one point I was told it wasn't wise so we didn't pursue it. Our attorney however, is saying different and that she has had friends who have done this very successfully. So for now, we are remaining open to both. We will prayerfully consider any situation that comes up on either side and follow the road that God has set before us. If there is one thing I have learned, it's that just when I think I have God's plan figured out, I discover that I don't. So for now we are open, and the only thing that we know for sure is that we will adopt a child eventually.
Lastly I just want to thank everyone who has supported us throughout this process. I have read so many sad stories of families that are adopting and, for a variety of reasons, people do not support their decision. Thank you for never saying anything negative to us about this process, but rather walking alongside of us, supporting us. Many blessings to all of you! We will continue to keep you updated!
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
The Peace In The Waiting
There is this song called "I Will Never Let You Go" by the artist Manafest. It talks about how even throughout struggles, God will never let us go. I love this song, however the is one line that I have struggled with on this journey. It says "I'll be your peace in the waiting", pertaining to God telling us that He will be our peace in the waiting. My struggle with this is that I haven't really understood where that peace has been for me throughout this journey. I knew that I should feel God's peace amidst the waiting, but I've had a hard time finding it. I've struggled to be content and just trust that He has this incredible plan for us and that this will come to an end eventually.
Today however, I was walking Scrumpy when God spoke to me. I find he does this often when I am walking with Scrumpy since it is one of the few times that I have nothing that I have to focus on other than just walking and being. Today, He revealed where the peace in waiting is for me. No matter what, the wait is hard, but for me, the peace in the waiting is knowing that my four and half year wait will result in a lifetime of change for a child. That doesn't mean that it won't ever be hard, but it gives me peace to know that 4+ years is nothing compared to the rest of a child's life, and that my life will in turn be changed by him/her joining our family. That is the peace in the waiting and that is why we will keep persevering, keep trusting, and keep being obedient in the call that God has placed on our lives.
Today however, I was walking Scrumpy when God spoke to me. I find he does this often when I am walking with Scrumpy since it is one of the few times that I have nothing that I have to focus on other than just walking and being. Today, He revealed where the peace in waiting is for me. No matter what, the wait is hard, but for me, the peace in the waiting is knowing that my four and half year wait will result in a lifetime of change for a child. That doesn't mean that it won't ever be hard, but it gives me peace to know that 4+ years is nothing compared to the rest of a child's life, and that my life will in turn be changed by him/her joining our family. That is the peace in the waiting and that is why we will keep persevering, keep trusting, and keep being obedient in the call that God has placed on our lives.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Clearing a few things up
Recently I've had some conversations with some dear friends and family and I realize that I may not have been as clear as I have intended in explaining our story and journey. So today I hope to clear some of that confusion up.
I've recently had a few people suggest surrogacy to me and I was surprised. I was surprised because, while it came from a very well intentioned place, I thought that a few (not all) of these individuals understood why this wouldn't be an option at this time or probably ever. This just taught me that maybe I haven't been as clear as I thought I have.
Surrogacy is typically used when a woman cannot get pregnant or carry a baby to full term. This is not our struggle. Unfortunately our struggle is because Elias' CF affects his reproductive system, leaving IVF as our only option to conceive. IVF unfortunately, has low success rates and this would not vary between myself and a surrogate unless I have a reproductive issue that we are not aware of. The reality is, most couples take, on average, 6 months to get pregnant. You are not considered "infertile" until you have tried for 12 consecutive months with no success. That means that they have 6 attempts before they are typically successful and 12 attempts before there would be reason to worry. We have only had 3 attempts, but due to the financial and emotional strain, we only have 1-2 more attempts before having to start all over again.
So to recap, a surrogate would also have to use IVF just like me, would have no greater chance of conceiving than I would and we would not only have to pay for the IVF, but also for her to carry the baby for 9 months. This would cost just as much, if not more than adoption and would not be helping a child in need.
Yes, we are taking a break from fertility treatments because of emotional reasons, but we also have a huge heart for orphans and caring for the fatherless. If we were dead set on having a biological child right now, we would not be pursuing adoption. We are pursuing adoption because we are called to adopt and we are called to provide a child with a family of his/her own. To be honest, our reasons for pursuing IVF first were selfish. While it cost much less than adoption, we also wanted to try for a bio child and I wanted to experience pregnancy. We then thought we could save money in the mean time for adoption and not have to raise funds. This has not been God's plan for us though. If we had gotten pregnant, we would not be pursuing adoption at this point and the child that is meant for us would not be coming home to us. Once again, this is not just about us becoming parents, in fact that's just an awesome bonus to this process. This is about providing a child with a home and a family to call their own.
I hope that some day I will be able to experience pregnancy and everything that comes with it, good or bad. But if I don't, I will have the honor of being entrusted to parent a child in need and that child will be just as much our "own" as any biological child would be. Please feel free to contact me with any further questions, I won't take offense and I love to educate!
I've recently had a few people suggest surrogacy to me and I was surprised. I was surprised because, while it came from a very well intentioned place, I thought that a few (not all) of these individuals understood why this wouldn't be an option at this time or probably ever. This just taught me that maybe I haven't been as clear as I thought I have.
Surrogacy is typically used when a woman cannot get pregnant or carry a baby to full term. This is not our struggle. Unfortunately our struggle is because Elias' CF affects his reproductive system, leaving IVF as our only option to conceive. IVF unfortunately, has low success rates and this would not vary between myself and a surrogate unless I have a reproductive issue that we are not aware of. The reality is, most couples take, on average, 6 months to get pregnant. You are not considered "infertile" until you have tried for 12 consecutive months with no success. That means that they have 6 attempts before they are typically successful and 12 attempts before there would be reason to worry. We have only had 3 attempts, but due to the financial and emotional strain, we only have 1-2 more attempts before having to start all over again.
So to recap, a surrogate would also have to use IVF just like me, would have no greater chance of conceiving than I would and we would not only have to pay for the IVF, but also for her to carry the baby for 9 months. This would cost just as much, if not more than adoption and would not be helping a child in need.
Yes, we are taking a break from fertility treatments because of emotional reasons, but we also have a huge heart for orphans and caring for the fatherless. If we were dead set on having a biological child right now, we would not be pursuing adoption. We are pursuing adoption because we are called to adopt and we are called to provide a child with a family of his/her own. To be honest, our reasons for pursuing IVF first were selfish. While it cost much less than adoption, we also wanted to try for a bio child and I wanted to experience pregnancy. We then thought we could save money in the mean time for adoption and not have to raise funds. This has not been God's plan for us though. If we had gotten pregnant, we would not be pursuing adoption at this point and the child that is meant for us would not be coming home to us. Once again, this is not just about us becoming parents, in fact that's just an awesome bonus to this process. This is about providing a child with a home and a family to call their own.
I hope that some day I will be able to experience pregnancy and everything that comes with it, good or bad. But if I don't, I will have the honor of being entrusted to parent a child in need and that child will be just as much our "own" as any biological child would be. Please feel free to contact me with any further questions, I won't take offense and I love to educate!
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Baby J
I just wanted to write quickly and let everyone know that baby J has found his forever family. I'm actually surprised by how quickly he was matched, but very happy that he will get the care he needs more quickly than what we could have provided. Our hearts are a little broken, but like I said, I can't be sad that he is now matched with a family that can provide him with proper medical care.
At this point we will stay where we are in terms of domestic vs international. We will wait to see how much our fundraisers bring in and decide from there. If God presents us with a domestic situation during that time, we will prayerfully consider it and if He doesn't, we will then have to make a decision to either continue to wait on domestic or choose an international program. Either way, our goal is to allow God to use us to care for one of His children while also filling a hole in our hearts and home. Neither decision is better than the other and they both have their positives and negatives. Please continue to pray for us as we are just feeling drained right now.
At this point we will stay where we are in terms of domestic vs international. We will wait to see how much our fundraisers bring in and decide from there. If God presents us with a domestic situation during that time, we will prayerfully consider it and if He doesn't, we will then have to make a decision to either continue to wait on domestic or choose an international program. Either way, our goal is to allow God to use us to care for one of His children while also filling a hole in our hearts and home. Neither decision is better than the other and they both have their positives and negatives. Please continue to pray for us as we are just feeling drained right now.
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