Recently I've had some conversations with some dear friends and family and I realize that I may not have been as clear as I have intended in explaining our story and journey. So today I hope to clear some of that confusion up.
I've recently had a few people suggest surrogacy to me and I was surprised. I was surprised because, while it came from a very well intentioned place, I thought that a few (not all) of these individuals understood why this wouldn't be an option at this time or probably ever. This just taught me that maybe I haven't been as clear as I thought I have.
Surrogacy is typically used when a woman cannot get pregnant or carry a baby to full term. This is not our struggle. Unfortunately our struggle is because Elias' CF affects his reproductive system, leaving IVF as our only option to conceive. IVF unfortunately, has low success rates and this would not vary between myself and a surrogate unless I have a reproductive issue that we are not aware of. The reality is, most couples take, on average, 6 months to get pregnant. You are not considered "infertile" until you have tried for 12 consecutive months with no success. That means that they have 6 attempts before they are typically successful and 12 attempts before there would be reason to worry. We have only had 3 attempts, but due to the financial and emotional strain, we only have 1-2 more attempts before having to start all over again.
So to recap, a surrogate would also have to use IVF just like me, would have no greater chance of conceiving than I would and we would not only have to pay for the IVF, but also for her to carry the baby for 9 months. This would cost just as much, if not more than adoption and would not be helping a child in need.
Yes, we are taking a break from fertility treatments because of emotional reasons, but we also have a huge heart for orphans and caring for the fatherless. If we were dead set on having a biological child right now, we would not be pursuing adoption. We are pursuing adoption because we are called to adopt and we are called to provide a child with a family of his/her own. To be honest, our reasons for pursuing IVF first were selfish. While it cost much less than adoption, we also wanted to try for a bio child and I wanted to experience pregnancy. We then thought we could save money in the mean time for adoption and not have to raise funds. This has not been God's plan for us though. If we had gotten pregnant, we would not be pursuing adoption at this point and the child that is meant for us would not be coming home to us. Once again, this is not just about us becoming parents, in fact that's just an awesome bonus to this process. This is about providing a child with a home and a family to call their own.
I hope that some day I will be able to experience pregnancy and everything that comes with it, good or bad. But if I don't, I will have the honor of being entrusted to parent a child in need and that child will be just as much our "own" as any biological child would be. Please feel free to contact me with any further questions, I won't take offense and I love to educate!
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