Oh it has been so long since I have blogged. I have missed this therapeutic outlet, but have not felt that I had the time or energy to devote to blogging the past several years.
I have recently experienced many life changes, I have graduated nursing school and have begun my career as an RN. I began working full time, overnights. Recently my schedule switched to the part time schedule I requested, and I will be switching from night shift to day shift soon, which comes with many perks, but less pay.
This is when the doubts have begun to creep in.
When I first began applying for nursing positions, I knew that I wanted part time to be an option. I knew that this was the only way I could effectively balance work as an RN, my business as a massage therapist and my roles of mom and wife to my family. My family however was my biggest motivation. I have felt as though I have had to put my family on the back burner for the past 3 years as I have focused on getting a degree that will provide better for our needs and grant us the security of health insurance and consistent, reliable income. School demanded 30-40 hours of my time each week before I added in time spent studying, completing projects and clinical paperwork, and most of these hours were during the few hours when the rest of my family was home, but I was not. I also continued to work as a massage therapist, trying to honor both time with my family, my own personal schedule along with the schedules of my clients. I had limited evening hours, no weekend availability, and a group of clientele who were only available during those hours that I wanted to make space for with our requiring those clients to wait a month or longer to get in. I always felt stretched too thin and as though I was not able to give enough of myself to any of my responsibilities, especially my precious family, and I knew that once I graduated, I did not want to, and could not continue to live that way. We all deserved more. So I requested to work part time and I felt so much peace with that decision. It felt right. I felt deep in my soul the peace that comes with choosing to live off of less money to have more time with my family.
Now that my part time schedule has begun, I feel more relaxed, more at peace, like I can really balance work and family life better than I have for the past 3-4 years, at the same time the fear and the doubt of what if it's not enough has crept in. We have put off so many projects, goals and dreams due to money. What if this choice means that I am setting us up to continue to struggle financially? At the same time, if I really stop and think, I KNOW that with responsible spending, we will have enough money to live off of. It may not be a lot to other people, but it will be enough for us, right now, and each year we will reevaluate what our needs are, and readjust as needed. For now, I will try to keep the fears and doubts at bay and relish in the time that I get to spend with my children and husband.
