Yes, it has been about a month since I last posted and that is simply because it is nearly impossible to find the time! That's not to say that I don't have a million things running through my head that I want to write about and that I usually forget by the time I finally have time to write about them. But tonight, both boys were asleep by 7! Apparently I exhausted them today as well as myself since I could go to bed right now (it's 8) and be perfectly content. But since I have this little bit of free time I thought I would catch you all up.
The boys are now 3 months old and so cute! They are chunky, growing, changing and developing every day! In case you don't have Facebook or aren't "friends" with Elias or myself, here is their 3 month picture:
How cute are they?! Lucas actually does smile, but to get them smiling at the same time was impossible.
There is a part of me that wants to keep them tiny forever, but it's so much fun to see them learning and doing new things. Lucas has been in 0-3 month clothes for about a month now and Asher has almost outgrown his newborn clothes. He's too long for most of the pants and in the past couple of weeks had finally started chunking up because he apparently thinks he's starving and wants to eat every 90 min-2 hours unless he's sleeping. I have no idea what they weigh at this point, but we get to find out next week! Both boys are smiling sweet sweet smiles and love to coo and "talk". We are so in love with them!
So, what is it like parenting children who are adopted and parenting one with special needs? People are often afraid that they couldn't love an adopted child as much as a biological child. I have to say that if I could love a child any more than I love our boys, my heart would burst because it wouldn't be able to contain all of that love! It feels like they have been ours forever and that they were always meant to be ours. Our birth family feels like extended family and that they were always meant to be part of our lives. There is the occasional pang of guilt when we visit them and I'm the one that they call "mom", but I also know that Katy loves watching me be "mom" to our boys and I am honored to carry that title alongside of her. I don't look at our boys and think "they're adopted", I look at them and feel that they are genuinely ours in every way. Do they have our features? No, but it honestly doesn't make a difference, all I see is how cute and amazing they are.
It is the same with having a child with special needs. I never thought I would be a mom to a child with special needs. For a long time I wondered how parents with children with special needs felt and I felt like I couldn't do it. I loved working with children with special needs, but to parent one? I didn't think that I had it in me. Most people don't get a choice in the matter, but we did. It just goes to show how much God was preparing our hearts over the past 5 years. It struck me the other day when I was watching Asher, that he actually has Down syndrome. I know, that sounds crazy, but when I look at him, I don't see Down syndrome, I just see Asher. I know that he has Down syndrome and I've known that from the start, but I just seem him and think of Down syndrome as an additional part of him. I see a baby that is a different person from Lucas, who has a different personality, and develops on his own timeline. Yes he receives speech therapy already, and he is usually a few weeks to a month behind Lucas on developmental milestones, but that doesn't change how I see him or how I love him and it just makes it even more exciting when he starts doing the same things that Lucas has been doing for awhile.
Sometimes I see his Down syndrome more clearly in a still photo that doesn't do his cuteness justice or if I really examine his facial structure and almond shaped eyes, but Down syndrome doesn't define him, just like adoption won't define them. These things will always be a part of them, but they don't define them. When I look at them, I only see my sons. I see my two adorable babies that are truly miracles (it's actually a miracle they made it through the whole pregnancy) and gifts from God to not only us, but so many that are in our lives, including some that we have never met. Even as I write this, I don't feel like I can fully convey how much I feel like they are wholly and fully ours even though we have the unique situation of also having our birth family that loves them as much as we do. It is all so amazing. To put it simply, they are our children and we are so honored that God chose us to be their parents.