Reclaiming my Health

 About two years ago, I was sitting in a lecture in nursing school about obesity. Throughout this lecture we  laid out all of the risk factors that come along with being obese. Now, I don't give BMI too much power over my life because I know that it is an outdated and inaccurate way to measure health, however we also discussed that waist circumference is a more accurate measurement of risk factors as carrying weight in one's abdomen increases their risks of diseases such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and type two diabetes. I sat in that lecture acutely aware of my own weight and went home and measured my waist. 

When my husband Elias was sick and frequently in and out of the hospital prior to and following his bilateral lung transplant, I put on quite a bit of weight. I was in survival mode. I ate what sounded good, I didn't have any extra energy to devote to exercise. I had two year told twins and a husband in end stage lung disease to take care of at home. I was not a priority in that season. Everyone told me to take care of myself as well, but that did not feel realistic. Once we were on the other side, I knew there would be time for me, I just needed to survive that season. 

Fast forward two years, and I was no longer in survival mode, but I had made no progress in reclaiming my own health. So I sat in this lecture and processed how I was married to a man with diabetes and I knew what that involves. I knew that high blood pressure and high cholesterol run in my family and I also knew that with my husband's health history, my family was relying on me to stay healthy, even if they didn't know it. 

It took time and supplements, but eventually I turned back to the eating plan I knew and trusted. I began preparing healthy meals for lunches that kept me out of the freezer and canned soup aisles. I incorporated gentle exercise as time and life allowed and slowly the pounds began to come off. 

Today I have found myself at the same weight for almost a year. It is not where my goal was set, I am still working on that, and I still have to work at making healthy choices every time I eat, but it also comes more natural now. My waist circumference is in a healthy zone, and I am the lightest I've been since our first year of marriage. I know I am healthier, I know I have reduced my modifiable risk factors. I am not perfect, I have not arrived, but I am a healthier version of myself and now I am beginning to also focus on my mental health. 

Changing my busyness mindset

 Lately I've realized, I need to work on my mental, emotional and spiritual health. I often view my life as busy and overwhelming, and this weekend, God was speaking to me. Yes, my life IS busy, more than I would really like if I'm honest, but I was reminded that at times, we need to adjust our mindset. I can view my life as overwhelming, or I can view it as rich and interesting, with various opportunities to learn new things. Yes, this leaves me tired as the end of each day, but it can also be fulfilling with the right mindset. 

Currently, I am working two jobs. I work part time as an RN, primarily working with COVID patients. I also work 2 days a week as a massage therapist from my home office. In addition, I homeschool my children and am working on my Bachelor's of Science in holistic nursing. When I list these things out, the weight can feel suffocating, but when I break them down I can view them objectively. 

The first thing I have had to do is remind myself that homeschooling my children does not contribute to my busy. Yes, homeschooling is a time commitment, but it is also an honor and privilege. It is an opportunity to teach my children, connect with them, watch them grow, and learn alongside of them. Raising them and time with them is my most important job. 

Working on my Bachelor's is also a time commitment and one of the things I could take off of my plate for awhile if I need to, but it has also kept me grounded during this crazy season of COVID nursing. It gives me hope and purpose and reminds me that there is a place for me in this field when I question if I belong here. Holistic nursing focuses on care and connection with patients, while also caring for myself as a nurse. It renews my excitement in this field and gives me to tools to make this work less stressful and overwhelming, especially as a new nurse. 

Working as an RN during the COVID pandemic has challenged me and stretched me. It has forced me to take patient loads that I did not think I was capable of. It has challenged me to take care of very sick patients, under additionally taxing circumstances than what "normal" nursing would look like. I often view this work as overwhelming, but it is also an incredible learning opportunity that will likely not come around again in the near future (we certainly all hope it doesn't!). I am trying harder to think of this work as rich, and interesting. Work that promotes growth. Shifting my mindset even before I go into my day, trying to maintain a positive outlook. 

Working as a massage therapist has been a love of mine for nearly 10 years now. It keeps me rooted and grounded, and fulfills that need for caring on an intimate and 1:1 level. It allows me to care for people in the way the I want to as a nurse, but don't typically don't have the time for. It is peaceful, allows me to tap into the spiritual guidance of God and my intuition, and connect energetically with my clients to better understand their needs beyond just the physical. It leaves me feeling well rounded in my professional life. 

Yes, my life is busy, but it is also rich, exciting, interesting and full of learning opportunities that I didn't expect to have. Now I am doing the mindset work to change my outlook from overwhelm to thankful and fulfilled.