Friday, January 2, 2015

Goodbye 2014

As we say goodbye to 2014, I can't help but reflect on this past year as well as previous years. Last year at this times we were attempting to become foster parents and after 4 rescheduled home visits I was frustrated to say the least. I could not for the life of me understand what God was up to. I had no idea that only days later, my world would be changing forever and I would fully understand what He was up to.

In previous years I always wondered, "will this finally be the year we become parents?". This year, I don't feel that way. This year coming to an end is bittersweet for entirely different reasons. I can't wait to see my boys grow, develop and change, but I'm sad because in only a few short months I will be saying goodbye to my "babies" and those little babies will be turning into rambunctious toddlers that will bring all sorts of new fun and challenges. This year is only bittersweet because I now realize how fast children really do grow, not because I continue to wait for "someday".

In the spring of 2013 we felt like God was calling us back to Lewis county. Elias was working in Lowville with his dad while attending school in Herkimer and I was at a place with work where I needed to decide if I was going to find another part time job near Utica or take a leap of faith and branch out and start my own massage therapy business in Lewis county. We decided that it was better to begin looking at moving. Things fell into place quickly and by September we were living in Croghan. Around that same time we began working on paperwork to become foster parents. The process was long and slow and we didn't start trying to get someone in our home to do the home inspection until late November, early December.

After our home visit was rescheduled 4 times due to weather, on January 2nd I sent in an application to Catholic Charities adoption program thinking, "why not?". January 3rd, I got an email from our original adoption agency asking if we would consider a situation with twins due in April, where one would have Down syndrome. After a lot of prayer and soul searching, we decided to to say yes to being presented.

Around that same time, we were becoming increasingly aware that our current rental situation was not working out and it was not healthy for us to stay there. We began preparing a new house to move into in April and the boys were due in mid April, we prayed that if we were chosen, they would wait until we were moved in before making their arrival.

In February we were officially asked if we would become the parents to our sweet baby boys, We agreed and were more excited and more terrified than we had ever been in our lives. The boys "obediently" ;) waited to make their arrival until after we were settled into our new home and on April 14th at 6:04 and 6:08 am Asher and Lucas made their way into the world. I remember thinking as I was dressing into my scrubs to go to the OR, that this was it. Life as we knew it was going to change forever. Then they were here and those feelings of fear just disappeared.

The following 8 months have been a whirlwind and have been filled with more joy and love than I could have ever imagined. It has been amazing to watch our babies grow and develop and learn new things. Lucas has started to crawl and Asher is almost sitting on his own and getting up on his knees and rocking. They LOVE table food and are full of smiles and giggles. Asher loves people and isn't shy unless he's tired. Lucas is a bit more of a mama's boy and is unsure around large groups. They both love to study and take everything in. They love going for walks and, for the most part, enjoy riding in the car. They jabber and babble and can be quite loud if they want to be. They are so sweet and full of love and life. They also love their dog, Scrumpy. They have truly been the greatest blessing that we could have asked for.

We have also been blessed to gain an amazing birth family in 2014. They love our boys and they love us, as we do them. We have seen them a number of times over this past year and when we get together it's like getting together with family. Our birthmother has made the greatest sacrifice to give more to our boys through adoption and we cannot possibly express how grateful we are to her. At the end of the day, she didn't do this to make us parents (even though she loves that she was able to give us that gift), she made this choice for the two baby boys that are at the center of our relationship and us becoming parents was the amazing, yet secondary, result. She chose to give them life and she chose to give them more. We are so honored that we were the ones chosen to be their parents.

This year has been one of the greatest years of my life. Each new year brings ups and downs, joys and challenges. This year was no different. The difference this year was that instead of dwelling on what we didn't yet have, I rejoiced in what we did. I wish I could have done this better in previous years, but those years are gone and I can only learn from them. Thank you for walking and rejoicing with us this past year as our dream of becoming parents finally came true. We look forward to sharing this new year with all of you!