Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The Peace In The Waiting

There is this song called "I Will Never Let You Go" by the artist Manafest. It talks about how even throughout struggles, God will never let us go. I love this song, however the is one line that I have struggled with on this journey. It says "I'll be your peace in the waiting", pertaining to God telling us that He will be our peace in the waiting. My struggle with this is that I haven't really understood where that peace has been for me throughout this journey. I knew that I should feel God's peace amidst the waiting, but I've had a hard time finding it. I've struggled to be content and just trust that He has this incredible plan for us and that this will come to an end eventually.

Today however, I was walking Scrumpy when God spoke to me. I find he does this often when I am walking with Scrumpy since it is one of the few times that I have nothing that I have to focus on other than just walking and being. Today, He revealed where the peace in waiting is for me. No matter what, the wait is hard, but for me, the peace in the waiting is knowing that my four and half year wait will result in a lifetime of change for a child. That doesn't mean that it won't ever be hard, but it gives me peace to know that 4+ years is nothing compared to the rest of a child's life, and that my life will in turn be changed by him/her joining our family. That is the peace in the waiting and that is why we will keep persevering, keep trusting, and keep being obedient in the call that God has placed on our lives.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Clearing a few things up

Recently I've had some conversations with some dear friends and family and I realize that I may not have been as clear as I have intended in explaining our story and journey. So today I hope to clear some of that confusion up.

I've recently had a few people suggest surrogacy to me and I was surprised. I was surprised because, while it came from a very well intentioned place, I thought that a few (not all) of these individuals understood why this wouldn't be an option at this time or probably ever. This just taught me that maybe I haven't been as clear as I thought I have.

Surrogacy is typically used when a woman cannot get pregnant or carry a baby to full term. This is not our struggle. Unfortunately our struggle is because Elias' CF affects his reproductive system, leaving IVF as our only option to conceive. IVF unfortunately, has low success rates and this would not vary between myself and a surrogate unless I have a reproductive issue that we are not aware of. The reality is, most couples take, on average, 6 months to get pregnant. You are not considered "infertile" until you have tried for 12 consecutive months with no success. That means that they have 6 attempts before they are typically successful and 12 attempts before there would be reason to worry. We have only had 3 attempts, but due to the financial and emotional strain, we only have 1-2 more attempts before having to start all over again.

So to recap, a surrogate would also have to use IVF just like me, would have no greater chance of conceiving than I would and we would not only have to pay for the IVF, but also for her to carry the baby for 9 months. This would cost just as much, if not more than adoption and would not be helping a child in need.

Yes, we are taking a break from fertility treatments because of emotional reasons, but we also have a huge heart for orphans and caring for the fatherless. If we were dead set on having a biological child right now, we would not be pursuing adoption. We are pursuing adoption because we are called to adopt and we are called to provide a child with a family of his/her own. To be honest, our reasons for pursuing IVF first were selfish. While it cost much less than adoption, we also wanted to try for a bio child and I wanted to experience pregnancy. We then thought we could save money in the mean time for adoption and not have to raise funds. This has not been God's plan for us though. If we had gotten pregnant, we would not be pursuing adoption at this point and the child that is meant for us would not be coming home to us. Once again, this is not just about us becoming parents, in fact that's just an awesome bonus to this process. This is about providing a child with a home and a family to call their own.

I hope that some day I will be able to experience pregnancy and everything that comes with it, good or bad. But if I don't, I will have the honor of being entrusted to parent a child in need and that child will be just as much our "own" as any biological child would be. Please feel free to contact me with any further questions, I won't take offense and I love to educate!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Baby J

I just wanted to write quickly and let everyone know that baby J has found his forever family. I'm actually surprised by how quickly he was matched, but very happy that he will get the care he needs more quickly than what we could have provided. Our hearts are a little broken, but like I said, I can't be sad that he is now matched with a family that can provide him with proper medical care.

At this point we will stay where we are in terms of domestic vs international. We will wait to see how much our fundraisers bring in and decide from there. If God presents us with a domestic situation during that time, we will prayerfully consider it and if He doesn't, we will then have to make a decision to either continue to wait on domestic or choose an international program. Either way, our goal is to allow God to use us to care for one of His children while also filling a hole in our hearts and home. Neither decision is better than the other and they both have their positives and negatives.  Please continue to pray for us as we are just feeling drained right now.