Saturday, April 14, 2012
Today is a particularly low day for me. I've recently heard of a couple of new pregnancy announcements, which always get me emotional. One thing that people who haven't struggled with infertility don't understand is that when an infertile couple hears a pregnancy announcement, they need to take time to absorb that information. It's not that I'm not happy for you, or that you should feel guilty about your blessing (don't feel guilty!), but I still have to take time to grieve the fact that once again it is not us. Times like these stir up emotions of "when will it be our turn?", "why doesn't God think that we deserve to be parents?" and just a feeling of being "left behind" as you watch all of these other couples become pregnant while we sit on the sidelines. I know that this is not God punishing us or telling us that we're not deserving, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't feel that way at times. The longer we're married the harder this becomes because more and more couples that got married after us are starting families. I know this isn't a competition, but it's just hard to know that we haven't made this choice to not start a family yet, it just isn't as easy for us. I know our day will come and it will all be worth the wait, but in the here and now, facing the unknown, the grief can be overwhelming.