Before I get into my main post, I'm sure that many of you are wondering what is going on with the twins situation that I wrote about in my last post. Since writing, Elias and I travelled to visit the birth parents and had a really nice time with them. We felt so comfortable with them and could definitely envision a beautiful adoption relationship with them. We all had a lot in common and the evening just felt natural. Currently they are talking with another couple, they had a few more questions for us and have asked to meet our parents as they are a huge part of our support system! So to wrap everything up, we are still waiting and they are taking their time so that they can make the best decision possible for these two precious babies.
Now onto the post that corresponds with the title. At some point we have all heard the phrase "everything happens for a reason", many of us have probably even said these words.
Today I call bull on that phrase.
This phrase is often said when either things have been tough and seemingly work themselves out or when things are currently tough and we don't have an answer as to why. They are said to either make ourselves feel better or in attempt to make others feel better. Let's face it, when you are going through a tough time, the last thing you want to hear is that it's happening for a "reason". I feel like in the Christian world, we are less likely to say these words and more likely to use something more "holy" like "it's part of God's plan" or "God's in control". While I fully believe that God can and does use hard times to bring good and to grow us, I don't believe that He causes suffering or that suffering is His plan for us. If we truly believe that He is indeed good and is love, He can't cause these things. Bad things and tough times happen because we are a sinful, fallen people. When God gave us free will, He gave up a portion of his control to allow us to make our own choices. Because we are a sinful people, suffering will and does happen.
All this being said, I do believe that God is all powerful and has the power to heal, do miracles and even take suffering away, but He also has the amazing ability to use that time of suffering and bring really good things. We can't say why one person prays and it seems as though their prayers are answered almost instantaneously while another person prays for the same thing and must endure extreme suffering as they feel as though their prayers aren't even being heard. I can't say why, when one family walks in obedience when being called to adopt, they end up being doubly blessed by a miraculous pregnancy. While another family walks in this same obedience and prays for a miraculous pregnancy, so that they can experience both sides of having children, but never receives one.
The fact of the matter is, not everything happens for a reason. What would the reason be for a husband losing a wife or a parent losing a child? However, God can bring blessings out of suffering. This does not mean that it was part of His "plan" or that there was a "reason" behind it, but that He can take us in our broken state and heal us little by little, making us stronger and transforming us. Through suffering He may ignite a passion in us or open our hearts to something that we wouldn't have previously considered.
This is how I feel about the twins. We may not be chosen and if we aren't, I'm okay with that, because I know that they will go to another amazing family that will love them dearly. But if we are chosen, it will only be because we had to walk a road of suffering for awhile. Five years ago, we would have never considered adopting a child with special needs. Two years ago when we began fundraising to adopt we would have never considered adopting a child with special needs. But now, after all of this time, we are willing to say "we surrender" and we are willing to take this step. I don't believe that God made us infertile or gave Elias CF or that it was in His "plan" for us to endure the greatest pain of our lives, but I do think that He has taken this time to prepare us for something greater than ourselves and our plans, and to bring us blessings bigger than we could have ever imagined. He could have changed our situation I'm sure of that, but if He had, we would not be sitting here today waiting to find out if we will be chosen as the parents of these precious little ones with hearts open to accept both of them just as they are.