Friday, December 13, 2013

Most of you know that for awhile I was dead set against doing foster care. When we first announced that we were pursuing adoption and needed to fundraise to make that happen, many well intentioned people suggested foster care because it's "free" (I'll explain why I put that in quotes later). I have to admit, I felt like so many people were suggesting or in some cases even pushing foster care that I got annoyed (if you are one that suggested this, please bear with me). I felt like they just didn't "get it". I felt like some, not all, people were suggesting that it would be "easy" to adopt from foster care, which, in most cases, it's not. I felt like they truly didn't understand the emotional loss that we felt from failed transfers of our precious live embryos.

Now, almost two years since our first failed transfer, we are in the process of becoming foster parents AND I'm at peace with this path. Back when we were first beginning the fundraising process, we were in no place to become foster parents, I can see that now. I was experiencing the worst grief of my life and I was in a dark and depressed place. To try and parent a child that has experienced trauma, while working with their birth parents in effort to reunite them, and have them leave our home, love and care, was not an option. I would not have been able to view their birth parents with grace and I would not have been able to work toward reunification in the way that is needed. I could not accept this as an option for our family in that space and the very suggestion of it made me bitter. Even a year ago when we took classes, we weren't ready as a couple to pursue this path. Now, we see that it is what God has called us to do.

I've always said that I wish God would just spell out his plans for us because I'm a horrible listener. Well, he has closed every other door and has left us with foster care. I don't think it could be any clearer. I confided to a friend yesterday, who is also a foster mother, that this is definitely not the path I would have chosen for us. Adoption was never a plan "B" for us (it was always part of the plan), but fostering with the goal of adoption was not even in my plans! I have seen families foster and let me tell you, it's tough! It may be "free" financially, but it is definitely not "free" emotionally.  But, when God calls you to a tough path, knowing that you have been called makes the process a little easier and there is peace in the chaos.

Opening our home has been a long process thus far. We were supposed to have our homevisit yesterday, but due to weather, it has been postponed until next week. We also need to get new physicals and they need to write up our homestudy before we can be open. Once we are open, we wait. (sound familiar?) We may be waiting awhile since we are only open to younger children who have a high chance of being freed for adoption, but in the foster care/adoption world, you never know. In the meantime, we are working on training our furbaby to be better around new people. It's a work in progress, but we thank everyone who has been understanding and has followed the "rules" when entering our home. Elias will continue on with school and I will continue with work. We will also continue enjoying our time as a family of 3, which gets shorter every day. If you have donated to our adoption, your donations are safe in separate account that is set aside for any adoption related costs that could come up with foster care, or for a future adoption and we are thankful for every penny! Please keep praying for us as we explore a new, and hopefully final, path to adding to our family.

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