The past 5 1/2 years have been riddled with anger, grief and confusion surrounding our infertility. I let those feelings steal precious time from our marriage and drive a wedge between God and myself that we have had to work at removing. We have to work at removing it so that we can try to get back to the place we were before, but with me having a different and new understanding of who God is. People would tell me that once my child was in my arms, I would know that it was never supposed to be any different, but at the time I had a hard time seeing that and believing it. As the years passed I began to think, "by this point I could have had a biological child AND been on our way to adopting"! I watched couples that got married around the same time as us or even after us have baby 1, 2 and some even 3. I couldn't for the life of me understand why it wasn't our turn. Why God had deemed us "unworthy" or as least less worthy of being parents.
I still don't believe that God has caused our infertility or that He wants to see us struggle and suffer. I don't believe that that kind of suffering is His will, but that we have brought it upon ourselves as a fallen people. If we were not a fallen people there would be no infertility and there would be no need for adoption. All children would have parents that could take care of them and that were always conceived out of love into loving and healthy homes. All couples would be able to have as many children as they pleased, when they pleased. But we are a fallen people and that has resulted in pain and suffering for many children and families.
The great redeeming factor is that God USES pain and suffering to draw us closer to Him and astound us with His blessings! God began healing my heart about a year ago. I still struggled with grief and anger and bitterness, but those feelings were slowly going away and I began to understand that God was not causing this suffering. He was using this time to prepare us for something great, something so much bigger than ourselves and something bigger than we could have ever imagined. I remember watching a Rob Bell video where Rob's son wanted a toy from the mall, but little did he know that his parents were later taking him across the street to get a dodge ball. A dodge ball he had wanted so badly! He just couldn't see what his parents were up to, he couldn't see what good thing they had in store for him. He just saw the present and how badly he thought he wanted this other toy. If his parents had gotten him this other, smaller toy, he probably wouldn't have gotten the dodge ball. Rob correlated this with what God does in our lives and how many times God wants to yell to us all that He has in store, if only we could understand that He has something great for us across the street. And if we knew what was across the street, we wouldn't be asking for the smaller thing.
I look at my boys and I can now see what was across the street. I can see that if we had gotten pregnant, we would not have them. If we had gotten pregnant, Elias may have closed his heart to adoption, or we at least wouldn't have been still pursuing it at this time in our lives. If we had gotten pregnant, we wouldn't have opened our hearts to TWO babies and a baby with Down syndrome that has now become our world. I can finally understand what people say when they say once they are in your arms, you will know it was never meant to be any different. I don't grieve not being pregnant with them, that wasn't my role to play. I'm sure there will be times when the pain of infertility will resurface, I certainly will never forget it, but it will be different because I will have a new understanding of God and how He works through suffering. I will have a new understanding of His love for us. I'm sure I will have times where I am impatient frustrated that I can't see across the street (by the way, 5 years is a long time to wait to cross the street), but I will be reminded of the greatness that can come when it is finally time for us to cross. God truly is good.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Mother's Day
Considering this is my first mother's day as a mom to human babies, I feel like I would be doing an injustice to all of my avid readers to not squeeze in time to post this year about how I'm doing, feeling, and if my feelings regarding mother's day have changed. So here it is: this year I have actually looking forward to Mother's Day. I was able to walk through the store and not feel angry, annoyed or saddened by all of the Mother's Day paraphernalia. I have felt no feelings of dread leading up to this weekend, I even have a gift planned to make with the boys to commemorate our first Mother's Day. We are actually planning on making our family debut at church, as long as we can get out of the house on time, and I feel like we could go out and I would feel worthy of being celebrated for the first time. We will celebrate this weekend and feel happy about this new chapter of our lives and the precious gifts that have been entrusted to us.
As I write these things though, I still feel sad for the old me and for all of the individuals who will be hurting tomorrow. I feel sad for every woman who will go to church or walk into a restaurant and face the awkward "do I give her a flower or not" thought process that goes through the flower bearer's mind when all they want is to feel worthy of receiving that flower. They may even play the role of a mother every day that makes them worthy of that flower. I feel sad for the child who never knew his or her mother, or who have been adopted by an amazing family, but will never know his/her birthmother and why they were placed for adoption. I feel sad for every person who has lost a mother or wife, who has no one to buy a gift for, or the mother who has lost her children and has no one to buy her a gift. And of course I feel sad for the birthmother's who have placed a child for adoption that haven't experienced healing while at the same time I think of the one's that have experienced healing and still feel that sting of loss while also celebrating the woman that they chose for their child.
Tomorrow as I celebrate, I will be thinking of the boys' Mommy Kate. How she is an amazing mother to her two children at home, how she will always be a mother to our two boys and how she's a mother to them in way that I can never be. I will think of her selfless act and her obedience to God to give our boys more. I will celebrate her as well as myself tomorrow and we will forever share the gift of motherhood. Today is actually Birthmother's Day. I love that they have their own day, but I don't want them to be forgotten or viewed as unworthy to be celebrated on Mother's Day since they are indeed all mother's.
This weekend, please celebrate the women in your lives whether they have children or not, because they are worthy of being celebrated.
As I write these things though, I still feel sad for the old me and for all of the individuals who will be hurting tomorrow. I feel sad for every woman who will go to church or walk into a restaurant and face the awkward "do I give her a flower or not" thought process that goes through the flower bearer's mind when all they want is to feel worthy of receiving that flower. They may even play the role of a mother every day that makes them worthy of that flower. I feel sad for the child who never knew his or her mother, or who have been adopted by an amazing family, but will never know his/her birthmother and why they were placed for adoption. I feel sad for every person who has lost a mother or wife, who has no one to buy a gift for, or the mother who has lost her children and has no one to buy her a gift. And of course I feel sad for the birthmother's who have placed a child for adoption that haven't experienced healing while at the same time I think of the one's that have experienced healing and still feel that sting of loss while also celebrating the woman that they chose for their child.
Tomorrow as I celebrate, I will be thinking of the boys' Mommy Kate. How she is an amazing mother to her two children at home, how she will always be a mother to our two boys and how she's a mother to them in way that I can never be. I will think of her selfless act and her obedience to God to give our boys more. I will celebrate her as well as myself tomorrow and we will forever share the gift of motherhood. Today is actually Birthmother's Day. I love that they have their own day, but I don't want them to be forgotten or viewed as unworthy to be celebrated on Mother's Day since they are indeed all mother's.
This weekend, please celebrate the women in your lives whether they have children or not, because they are worthy of being celebrated.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
The delivery of Asher James and Lucas John!
Both babies are sleeping so I figured it was time to finally update all of you on all of the amazing details from the arrival of our sweet boys! Their mommy-Kate (what we all their birthmother) was scheduled to be induced on April 13th, Saturday the 12th however, she contacted us and said that she felt like she might be in labor and would feel better if we were there just in case. We rushed around, packed up our last minute items, dropped off Scrumpy and hit the road! We arrived around 10:30 pm to her apartment, sat around a bit, talked and they gifted us with a double snap and go stroller! If you don't know what a snap and go is, it is amazing. It is just a frame that the car seats literally snap into and that's it! It also weighs practically nothing. So far we have used it for walking and doctors appointments and it will be accompanying us many more places!
Her contractions were somewhat steady throughout the day, but settled down once we got there and she could rest a bit more. Around midnight we headed to our hotel and literally 2 min from the hotel our car died. Yes, more car trouble! We all feel that this was the only way that Satan could attack us that would hurt the most so he has done it over and over again! We called AAA and waited for the tow truck. He dropped us off exhausted at the hotel around 2 AM. Katy let us use her car the rest of our time there, which was incredibly helpful (one of the perks of open adoption where you are friends with birth family ;)).
And Lucas is now waking up, so I will be back!
The next day, Sunday, Katy's amazing support person, her significant other who will be the twin's birth father, Bryan, came and picked us up at the hotel along with the twin's big sister, Breanna. They also have a big brother named Christian. We all went back to Katy's place until we headed to eat and meet Katy's mom and sister around 4 pm and to get ready for induction at 6 pm. We then checked into the hospital and were informed that the induction would be thrown off by 6 hours because no one told Katy not to eat 6 hours beforehand! The original plan was to start softening her cervix at 6 pm and then start Pitocin the next morning if nothing was happening. However, before any of that, they were going to check her to see if she was already dilated and didn't need her cervix softened. Around 9 pm they checked and low and behold she was already 5 cm! Apparently she actually was in labor Saturday and her water broke for Asher that night she but wasn't actually sure that it broke. Around midnight they started the pitocin and Elias and I came into Katy's room to talk with both her and Bryan as we had never really heard Bryan's story. It was a beautiful time of tears, smiles and healing.
At 2:30 Elias and I returned to our hospital room to try and sleep. At 5:30 am Bryan called and said they were prepping Katy for the OR (due to her having twins, the hospital required delivery in the OR). We were originally told that only on person could be in there with her and they agreed to let two in there, but no more. When they brought our clothes for the OR, Katy said that we needed three sets, not two. The nurses and residents spoke with the high risk doctor that would be in the room and he agreed to let all three (Byran, Elias and myself) in the OR for the delivery! They wheeled her down, Elias and I waited by the door, they barely got her set and the doctor asked if she wanted to push. Katy asked if they wanted her to push and the doctor told her if she was ready to go for it. After that first push, one of the staff pulled me over to the table to see our little Asher's head and the next push he was out at 6:04 am! Katy asked me his name then I was asked to cut to the cord and followed him into the little side room where he would get cleaned and weighed. The nurse kept telling me to go out and that his brother was coming, but I knew Elias was there and I didn't want to leave our sweet baby! I did end up taking a few steps back that way to see better, but I could see most of what was going on from where I was. Lucas had decided the day before to flip, so with the help of the high risk doctor his was water broken he was born breech just 4 minutes later at 6:08 am! Elias cut the cord for Lucas. Bryan and Katy held the babies first and then Bryan handed each one of us one of our sons :). Both babies were 6.1 lbs, Lucas was 17 in and Asher was 18 long. We all went to recovery, both boys nursed, we took some pictures and then we gave Katy and Bryan some time with the boys before the rest of her family came over to see them while we went and ate breakfast.
Everything felt surreal and it didn't take long for exhaustion to begin setting in. After a short visit after delivery, Elias and I headed off to find out what was going on with our car and to try and sleep at Katy's place for a bit. We got to the shop and found out that our car was officially dead, which is not what you want to hear when you have to take two babies home and you are running on less than 2 hours of sleep. We cleared the car out, let my parents know and my dad came to the rescue and started looking for places that would buy our car for salvage. We took a quick nap and shower and headed back to the hospital to see how our babies and Katy were doing. Our parents arrived that evening to visit for a bit and enjoy their first grand babies for all of them! The next days went by quickly and were full of sweet time with our new extended family and the twins that will forever tie is all together. The hospital experience was more than we could have asked for. Wednesday was release day and after that we all headed to the chapel for the blessing ceremony that would wrap up the hospital time and be the ceremony to signify the beginning of something beautiful. The ceremony was beautiful beyond words and not really something I can describe, it was an amazing blessing for everyone involved and was full of more smiles, tears and sharing, After that, we said our goodbyes and we headed home with my parents. We only had to stop twice for feedings, take a detour home to avoid the flooding here and we were home in our own house with our new sons!
I could go on, but then this would be the worlds longest blog post so we will save the rest for another day! Thank you for all of your prayers, love, support, gifts, meals and everything else as we begin this new chapter of our lives! Please continue to keep everyone in your prayers as their birth family misses them terribly, but also feels peace that they are where God meant for them to be. Keep the boys in your prayers that they will stay healthy and grow. As of yesterday they both weighed 5.13 lbs and were 18.5 in long. They are so adorable and we are absolutely in love! Lastly keep us in your prayers as we learn how to best parent these sweet boys in the way that God has called us to and that Elias will be able to still focus in school for the next few weeks with very little sleep.
Her contractions were somewhat steady throughout the day, but settled down once we got there and she could rest a bit more. Around midnight we headed to our hotel and literally 2 min from the hotel our car died. Yes, more car trouble! We all feel that this was the only way that Satan could attack us that would hurt the most so he has done it over and over again! We called AAA and waited for the tow truck. He dropped us off exhausted at the hotel around 2 AM. Katy let us use her car the rest of our time there, which was incredibly helpful (one of the perks of open adoption where you are friends with birth family ;)).
And Lucas is now waking up, so I will be back!
The next day, Sunday, Katy's amazing support person, her significant other who will be the twin's birth father, Bryan, came and picked us up at the hotel along with the twin's big sister, Breanna. They also have a big brother named Christian. We all went back to Katy's place until we headed to eat and meet Katy's mom and sister around 4 pm and to get ready for induction at 6 pm. We then checked into the hospital and were informed that the induction would be thrown off by 6 hours because no one told Katy not to eat 6 hours beforehand! The original plan was to start softening her cervix at 6 pm and then start Pitocin the next morning if nothing was happening. However, before any of that, they were going to check her to see if she was already dilated and didn't need her cervix softened. Around 9 pm they checked and low and behold she was already 5 cm! Apparently she actually was in labor Saturday and her water broke for Asher that night she but wasn't actually sure that it broke. Around midnight they started the pitocin and Elias and I came into Katy's room to talk with both her and Bryan as we had never really heard Bryan's story. It was a beautiful time of tears, smiles and healing.
At 2:30 Elias and I returned to our hospital room to try and sleep. At 5:30 am Bryan called and said they were prepping Katy for the OR (due to her having twins, the hospital required delivery in the OR). We were originally told that only on person could be in there with her and they agreed to let two in there, but no more. When they brought our clothes for the OR, Katy said that we needed three sets, not two. The nurses and residents spoke with the high risk doctor that would be in the room and he agreed to let all three (Byran, Elias and myself) in the OR for the delivery! They wheeled her down, Elias and I waited by the door, they barely got her set and the doctor asked if she wanted to push. Katy asked if they wanted her to push and the doctor told her if she was ready to go for it. After that first push, one of the staff pulled me over to the table to see our little Asher's head and the next push he was out at 6:04 am! Katy asked me his name then I was asked to cut to the cord and followed him into the little side room where he would get cleaned and weighed. The nurse kept telling me to go out and that his brother was coming, but I knew Elias was there and I didn't want to leave our sweet baby! I did end up taking a few steps back that way to see better, but I could see most of what was going on from where I was. Lucas had decided the day before to flip, so with the help of the high risk doctor his was water broken he was born breech just 4 minutes later at 6:08 am! Elias cut the cord for Lucas. Bryan and Katy held the babies first and then Bryan handed each one of us one of our sons :). Both babies were 6.1 lbs, Lucas was 17 in and Asher was 18 long. We all went to recovery, both boys nursed, we took some pictures and then we gave Katy and Bryan some time with the boys before the rest of her family came over to see them while we went and ate breakfast.
Everything felt surreal and it didn't take long for exhaustion to begin setting in. After a short visit after delivery, Elias and I headed off to find out what was going on with our car and to try and sleep at Katy's place for a bit. We got to the shop and found out that our car was officially dead, which is not what you want to hear when you have to take two babies home and you are running on less than 2 hours of sleep. We cleared the car out, let my parents know and my dad came to the rescue and started looking for places that would buy our car for salvage. We took a quick nap and shower and headed back to the hospital to see how our babies and Katy were doing. Our parents arrived that evening to visit for a bit and enjoy their first grand babies for all of them! The next days went by quickly and were full of sweet time with our new extended family and the twins that will forever tie is all together. The hospital experience was more than we could have asked for. Wednesday was release day and after that we all headed to the chapel for the blessing ceremony that would wrap up the hospital time and be the ceremony to signify the beginning of something beautiful. The ceremony was beautiful beyond words and not really something I can describe, it was an amazing blessing for everyone involved and was full of more smiles, tears and sharing, After that, we said our goodbyes and we headed home with my parents. We only had to stop twice for feedings, take a detour home to avoid the flooding here and we were home in our own house with our new sons!
I could go on, but then this would be the worlds longest blog post so we will save the rest for another day! Thank you for all of your prayers, love, support, gifts, meals and everything else as we begin this new chapter of our lives! Please continue to keep everyone in your prayers as their birth family misses them terribly, but also feels peace that they are where God meant for them to be. Keep the boys in your prayers that they will stay healthy and grow. As of yesterday they both weighed 5.13 lbs and were 18.5 in long. They are so adorable and we are absolutely in love! Lastly keep us in your prayers as we learn how to best parent these sweet boys in the way that God has called us to and that Elias will be able to still focus in school for the next few weeks with very little sleep.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Some thoughts on Down syndrome
I have been very honest about the fact that one of our twins will have Down syndrome (DS). Some of you may wonder why I have been so open about this fact. It's not to evoke pity or convince more people to donate to our cause. In fact I have been pleasantly surprised by the reaction we usually get when we tell people we are adopting twins and that one of the boys will have DS. I honestly expected some looks or comments of pity and there have been a couple, but for the most part everyone has been so supportive and have told us how happy they are for us. We hear stories of the joy that a child with DS brings or we are just told stories that don't even bring in the fact that sweet Baby A will have DS, instead the boys are seen as equals. It has been truly amazing. So why talk about it and be open about it? Mainly because I know that we are going to face the question "did you know before you adopted them?", which I feel like implies "would you have still adopted them if you had known". If I can reduce the number of times that we are asked this question, it will be better for all of us. We already love both of these babies and the more I learn about DS, the more excited I get for everything the future holds. I want everyone to know that we chose BOTH of these babies to be our sons regardless of the fact that one would have an extra chromosome. I would be lying if I said we didn't have to pray and even question our decision before being asked to be the boys' parents, but even before saying "yes", we knew that if we were chosen, that this was God's plan for us, them and their amazing expectant family. I also want everyone to understand that our expectant mother did not choose adoption because Baby A has DS. In fact, she was asked 5 times if she was going to selectively abort this sweet baby because 92% of children with a prenatal diagnosis of DS are aborted. She choice life for both of them and has now chosen to give them more and we couldn't be more grateful for that decision.
I have been reading a book called "Roadmap to Holland". The woman who wrote this book has twin boys where one has Down syndrome. She didn't know until 5 days after her sons were born that one had DS and she is very honest about her fears and grief as she learned about her son's diagnosis. We didn't grieve necessarily, but we struggled and wondered what this would mean for our future. We struggled with selfish thoughts and feelings and I avoided learning too much too soon out of fear. As I have continued to read this book I have watched her transform. I have watched her thoughts and feelings about DS change and her love for her son grow. The more time I spend learning about DS, the more excited I get and the less fear I feel. The more I learn about having twins, it becomes hard to imagine only having one. As I was reading the other day, I saw the softening that had happened in their family and the joy that both boys brought, where as before it seemed like the diagnosis of DS was like a dark cloud that hung over her family. As I read this, I felt like God was telling me that He was going to transform and soften our family. That He was going to bring us more joy than we could ever imagine through these sweet babies. We are getting so excited to meet these two sweeties and we continue to be blessed by our growing relationship with our expectant family.
We continue to ask for prayers as the day draws closer for all parties involved. We also want to thank everyone who has supported us financially and continues to do so through our Lilla Rose fundraiser and Thirty One fundraiser, we truly could not have pursued this adoption this without your prayers or financial gifts. Both fundraisers are still open if you feel led to give or you can give a tax deductible donation through the Both Hands Foundation by clicking here.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Catching up
I know I have been MIA for a bit, things have just been super crazy! Since the first week of February we have been cleaning, painting, doing electrical work, replacing ceilings, refinishing floors and everything that goes into preparing a house, that needed some work, before we could move in. We were here every day working to get it ready before the babies came. This past weekend, we officially cleaned out our other house and fully moved into this house that we have been working so hard and so long on! We are now swimming in boxes, but we are moved in and getting settled. In addition to that, we have been working to make sure that we have everything we need for the immediate future. I think the twin's items are the only items that I actually know where everything is!
On March 21st, we were honored to be able to attend our expectant mother's (we will call her K) ultrasound for the twins! Of course, our car broke down 10 miles away and we had to be retrieved from the side of the road, by K's amazing boyfriend and support system, but the office waited for us and we made it! In addition to that, K was backed into outside of the doctor's office while waiting for parking! We all have to laugh because satan has fought this adoption the whole way, which confirms to all of us that we are truly walking in God's will and that He is going to do something amazing! It was awesome to see the babies and it began to really feel real verses just a concept. It was exciting to find out how much they weighed (baby A was 5 lbs 3 oz and baby B was 5 lbs) and to know that everything still looks good for both of them. We also went on the hospital tour and learned more about what to expect and how things will go at the hospital. It was nice to be there as a "team" with the expectant family and have the hospital see all of us together and our relationship with each other. It also helped us feel as though we have a better understanding for what to expect so that there won't be confusion at the time of delivery and postpartum. After all of that, we went back to K's apartment, had lunch, met her boyfriend's children, played a game of scrabble, had some good conversation as well as some mama (both her and I) bonding time and pictures together in the frigid wind.
As for now, we are closing in on about a week an half left before K will be induced if she hasn't gone naturally by that point. As long as everything goes according to plan we will be there for delivery and at least one of us will be able to be in the delivery room for the birth. It would be even better if both of us could be in the delivery room so we are asking for prayers for that. We would also like to ask you to keep praying for everyone involved. The expectant family is amazing and we couldn't be more blessed to have them becoming part of our extended family as well us becoming a part of their's. Please pray that they will continue to feel Jesus with them during this time and that He will grant them peace that can only come from Him! Also, please keep praying for us, that God would shape us into the parents that He has created us to be and called us to be, and that He will prepare us for all that lies ahead through the incredible joys and inevitable challenges of parenthood.
Lastly, I am way behind simply because I haven't had time to update and then we didn't have internet for close to a week, but we have a couple of fundraisers going on! The first is for Lilla Rose Hair Accessories. These are beautiful hair clips and a wonderful adoptive mama has offered to have an online party for us! There is only about a week left on this fundraiser so if you are interested please order soon! The link is here: https://www.lillarose.biz/parties/4082 You can also check out and "share" our Facebook event at this link here: https://www.facebook.com/events/740529069311164/ I made the link public so that hopefully anyone can view it. In addition we have also had another wonderful woman offer to throw an online Thirty-One Party for us which will be running the month of April! You can check out this fundraiser here: mythirtyone.com/288674 and click "my parties" and "shop now" when our names come up. I will be setting up a Facebook event for this party as well, I just haven't had a chance to do so yet.
I think that is all for now and I can't wait to let you all know when our little guys arrive!
On March 21st, we were honored to be able to attend our expectant mother's (we will call her K) ultrasound for the twins! Of course, our car broke down 10 miles away and we had to be retrieved from the side of the road, by K's amazing boyfriend and support system, but the office waited for us and we made it! In addition to that, K was backed into outside of the doctor's office while waiting for parking! We all have to laugh because satan has fought this adoption the whole way, which confirms to all of us that we are truly walking in God's will and that He is going to do something amazing! It was awesome to see the babies and it began to really feel real verses just a concept. It was exciting to find out how much they weighed (baby A was 5 lbs 3 oz and baby B was 5 lbs) and to know that everything still looks good for both of them. We also went on the hospital tour and learned more about what to expect and how things will go at the hospital. It was nice to be there as a "team" with the expectant family and have the hospital see all of us together and our relationship with each other. It also helped us feel as though we have a better understanding for what to expect so that there won't be confusion at the time of delivery and postpartum. After all of that, we went back to K's apartment, had lunch, met her boyfriend's children, played a game of scrabble, had some good conversation as well as some mama (both her and I) bonding time and pictures together in the frigid wind.
As for now, we are closing in on about a week an half left before K will be induced if she hasn't gone naturally by that point. As long as everything goes according to plan we will be there for delivery and at least one of us will be able to be in the delivery room for the birth. It would be even better if both of us could be in the delivery room so we are asking for prayers for that. We would also like to ask you to keep praying for everyone involved. The expectant family is amazing and we couldn't be more blessed to have them becoming part of our extended family as well us becoming a part of their's. Please pray that they will continue to feel Jesus with them during this time and that He will grant them peace that can only come from Him! Also, please keep praying for us, that God would shape us into the parents that He has created us to be and called us to be, and that He will prepare us for all that lies ahead through the incredible joys and inevitable challenges of parenthood.
Lastly, I am way behind simply because I haven't had time to update and then we didn't have internet for close to a week, but we have a couple of fundraisers going on! The first is for Lilla Rose Hair Accessories. These are beautiful hair clips and a wonderful adoptive mama has offered to have an online party for us! There is only about a week left on this fundraiser so if you are interested please order soon! The link is here: https://www.lillarose.biz/parties/4082 You can also check out and "share" our Facebook event at this link here: https://www.facebook.com/events/740529069311164/ I made the link public so that hopefully anyone can view it. In addition we have also had another wonderful woman offer to throw an online Thirty-One Party for us which will be running the month of April! You can check out this fundraiser here: mythirtyone.com/288674 and click "my parties" and "shop now" when our names come up. I will be setting up a Facebook event for this party as well, I just haven't had a chance to do so yet.
I think that is all for now and I can't wait to let you all know when our little guys arrive!
Friday, March 7, 2014
Why open adoption?
You may have wondered what we have been up to since finding out that we will be adopting two sweet baby boys in April. Well, let me just tell you, it has been crazy! For a variety of reasons, we decided that we needed to move before the boys were born, so we have been working on getting a house ready since the beginning of February. It has been a ton of work, but we do not want to move after they are born. We are finishing up painting, beginning to take a few boxes over at a time and are so excited to be in a more permanent home. We have also been working on adoption paperwork, gathering baby stuff and just keeping up with life in general. So that is where we are at.
Now for the real post, why choose open adoption? From the outside looking in, without an understanding of adoption, open adoption can look really strange. Some of you are thinking, "I don't even know what an open adoption is". Each adoption is different, but what our open adoption with with birth family of our boys will look like is this: several visits each year, pictures, cards, letters, etc. We will invite them to the boys' birthday parties and we will likely be invited to some of their family events. We have also talked about having a special day just to celebrate the situation. They will become an extension of our family and us, an extension of theirs. We already have a beautiful relationship with them that has come easy to all of us, so we are looking forward to growing that!
Now, I get that some of you are thinking, why would we, as adoptive parents, want this kind of relationship. I have heard a variety of comments that come from a place of not understanding, but that in the future could hurt our children or their birth family so I want to clear some things up. First of all, our amazing expectant mother is choosing to place these babies out of love. I'm not going to tell her story, but I want everyone to understand that fact. She could have chose a different path for herself and these babies, but she didn't. Instead she let God show and lead her in the direction that He was calling her to. I know that might sound confusing without knowing all of the details, but that is all I'm going to say. I also want people to understand that she is not "giving them up", she is placing them in our family and entrusting us to care for them, raise them and love them.
We talk a lot about women having choices in our culture. We are okay with a woman terminating a pregnancy if it is best for her, but we are uncomfortable with the idea of a woman choosing to place her children in another family and wanting to maintain a relationship with them if she feels that is best for her and her children. Why shouldn't she know who they are being raised by, how they are being raised and if they are healthy and happy? This doesn't mean that she wants to micromanage our parenting, but she wants these babies to know where they come from, who their birth family is, who their siblings are and that they are loved. Placing a child for adoption is not a decision that one takes lightly and most birth mothers just want to know how their child is doing and that they made the right choice.
In the past adoptions were closed. Birth families were left wondering how their children were doing and children were left wondering why they were placed for adoption, where their birth families were, if they were alive and well and where/who they came from. With open adoptions, there are answers. Our boys will get to an age where they will be able to decide if they want to continue with this relationship. Our hope is that by being open from the beginning, the relationship with their birth family will feel natural. We aren't pretending that there won't be questions or possibly times when they need space to process emotions, but research has shown that open adoptions are healthy and don't confuse children like many assume.
We are incredibly grateful that our expectant family are the people that they are. We could not have created a better situation if we had tried and we feel honored that they chose us and more importantly, that God chose us. I remember our attorney (who we love) telling us that maybe we shouldn't talk about our faith in our profile since it may cause some people not to choose us. I told here that I would rather leave it in and not be chosen, than for that family to be upset later that their child was being raised in a Christian home. We chose to leave it in and it is one of the reasons that we were chosen for this situation, we love that it is something we all share! God works in amazing ways and we are honored to be a part of his workings.
I know that I shared the last time that we will not be having a shower until after the 30 day revocation period is up, but if you want to get us something before that, we will be using disposable diapers for the first month and then we hope to switch to cloth soon after. Did I mention we will be going through nearly 2 dozen diapers a day in the beginning? Thank you again for loving and supporting us on this journey and please keep praying for everyone involved!
Now for the real post, why choose open adoption? From the outside looking in, without an understanding of adoption, open adoption can look really strange. Some of you are thinking, "I don't even know what an open adoption is". Each adoption is different, but what our open adoption with with birth family of our boys will look like is this: several visits each year, pictures, cards, letters, etc. We will invite them to the boys' birthday parties and we will likely be invited to some of their family events. We have also talked about having a special day just to celebrate the situation. They will become an extension of our family and us, an extension of theirs. We already have a beautiful relationship with them that has come easy to all of us, so we are looking forward to growing that!
Now, I get that some of you are thinking, why would we, as adoptive parents, want this kind of relationship. I have heard a variety of comments that come from a place of not understanding, but that in the future could hurt our children or their birth family so I want to clear some things up. First of all, our amazing expectant mother is choosing to place these babies out of love. I'm not going to tell her story, but I want everyone to understand that fact. She could have chose a different path for herself and these babies, but she didn't. Instead she let God show and lead her in the direction that He was calling her to. I know that might sound confusing without knowing all of the details, but that is all I'm going to say. I also want people to understand that she is not "giving them up", she is placing them in our family and entrusting us to care for them, raise them and love them.
We talk a lot about women having choices in our culture. We are okay with a woman terminating a pregnancy if it is best for her, but we are uncomfortable with the idea of a woman choosing to place her children in another family and wanting to maintain a relationship with them if she feels that is best for her and her children. Why shouldn't she know who they are being raised by, how they are being raised and if they are healthy and happy? This doesn't mean that she wants to micromanage our parenting, but she wants these babies to know where they come from, who their birth family is, who their siblings are and that they are loved. Placing a child for adoption is not a decision that one takes lightly and most birth mothers just want to know how their child is doing and that they made the right choice.
In the past adoptions were closed. Birth families were left wondering how their children were doing and children were left wondering why they were placed for adoption, where their birth families were, if they were alive and well and where/who they came from. With open adoptions, there are answers. Our boys will get to an age where they will be able to decide if they want to continue with this relationship. Our hope is that by being open from the beginning, the relationship with their birth family will feel natural. We aren't pretending that there won't be questions or possibly times when they need space to process emotions, but research has shown that open adoptions are healthy and don't confuse children like many assume.
We are incredibly grateful that our expectant family are the people that they are. We could not have created a better situation if we had tried and we feel honored that they chose us and more importantly, that God chose us. I remember our attorney (who we love) telling us that maybe we shouldn't talk about our faith in our profile since it may cause some people not to choose us. I told here that I would rather leave it in and not be chosen, than for that family to be upset later that their child was being raised in a Christian home. We chose to leave it in and it is one of the reasons that we were chosen for this situation, we love that it is something we all share! God works in amazing ways and we are honored to be a part of his workings.
I know that I shared the last time that we will not be having a shower until after the 30 day revocation period is up, but if you want to get us something before that, we will be using disposable diapers for the first month and then we hope to switch to cloth soon after. Did I mention we will be going through nearly 2 dozen diapers a day in the beginning? Thank you again for loving and supporting us on this journey and please keep praying for everyone involved!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Ladies and Gentlemen...
I know that so many of you have been wondering what is going on with the twins and if we have heard anything. For over a month now, I have had very little to report. We knew it was down to us and one other couple and the expectant mother told us that she was still trying to figure some things out. There is so much that goes into this process on all sides and every part needs to make sure that t's are crossed and i's are dotted before too much ground is covered.
So, we waited anxiously and even considered backing out because everything seemed to be going wrong! I truly feel as though this was spiritual attack and Satan was trying his best to get us to back out and not trust in God. To be honest, he almost won. Elias and I were going back and forth on what to do when on Saturday we got the text. The text that asked if we would meet our sweet expectant parents for dinner on Monday night. The text that made my heart race and stomach knot because I knew what they were going to say. I knew that they were going to tell us that they had chosen us to be the parents of these two sweet boys, and I was terrified! Honestly, deep down I have known all along that if we stuck with this, that we were going to be chosen for these babies, which has scared me. This is not the plan that we had for our lives or our family, but God doesn't often call us according to our plans. And often times, his calling is one that is challenging and scary, but so much more rewarding than we could have ever imagined or planned for ourselves.
So last night, we found ourselves nervously traveling to Utica to meet with this couple. After some small talk and chit chat, they got down to it and officially asked us to be the parents to these babies. Elias and I had decided already that if we were asked, that was God telling us to say yes. In that moment, he gave us peace and we said that, yes, we wanted to be their parents. This was followed by some tears, smiles and hugging. Then our expectant mother went and got her two children from the other side of the restaurant for us to meet. They came around with flowers and gifts and were so incredibly sweet! We each received a gift that had a card that said "will you be my dad?" and "will you be my mom?". Then, we were given our first outfits, toys and socks for our sons. Seriously, could we ask for a better birth family?! We spent the next 60-90 minutes eating, talking and feeling my (my?!) babies move inside their birth mama's belly.
The whole thing is still so surreal and a bit unbelievable, but considering they are due in mid-early April (ummm yes, I did say April) there is a lot to do and not much time to wrap our minds around all of this. Most people have about 8 months to prepare once they find out they are expecting, we have roughly 8 weeks, and that's if they don't decide to come early (early-mid April is when our expectant mother would be induced).
I have already been asked if will we have a shower. My answer: not until the 30 day revocation period is up. The 30 day what? In NY, birth parents have 30 days to change their mind when working with an agency. While we feel that our expectant mother is very set in her decision, anything can happen and we need to protect our hearts.
Please keep praying for everyone involved. That we will be prepared for these sweet lives to enter our family, that the expectant family will be at peace with this difficult decision, that our expectant mother will remain healthy, that the boys will be healthy and strong and that the baby with Down's will not develop any heart defects.
So, we waited anxiously and even considered backing out because everything seemed to be going wrong! I truly feel as though this was spiritual attack and Satan was trying his best to get us to back out and not trust in God. To be honest, he almost won. Elias and I were going back and forth on what to do when on Saturday we got the text. The text that asked if we would meet our sweet expectant parents for dinner on Monday night. The text that made my heart race and stomach knot because I knew what they were going to say. I knew that they were going to tell us that they had chosen us to be the parents of these two sweet boys, and I was terrified! Honestly, deep down I have known all along that if we stuck with this, that we were going to be chosen for these babies, which has scared me. This is not the plan that we had for our lives or our family, but God doesn't often call us according to our plans. And often times, his calling is one that is challenging and scary, but so much more rewarding than we could have ever imagined or planned for ourselves.
So last night, we found ourselves nervously traveling to Utica to meet with this couple. After some small talk and chit chat, they got down to it and officially asked us to be the parents to these babies. Elias and I had decided already that if we were asked, that was God telling us to say yes. In that moment, he gave us peace and we said that, yes, we wanted to be their parents. This was followed by some tears, smiles and hugging. Then our expectant mother went and got her two children from the other side of the restaurant for us to meet. They came around with flowers and gifts and were so incredibly sweet! We each received a gift that had a card that said "will you be my dad?" and "will you be my mom?". Then, we were given our first outfits, toys and socks for our sons. Seriously, could we ask for a better birth family?! We spent the next 60-90 minutes eating, talking and feeling my (my?!) babies move inside their birth mama's belly.
The whole thing is still so surreal and a bit unbelievable, but considering they are due in mid-early April (ummm yes, I did say April) there is a lot to do and not much time to wrap our minds around all of this. Most people have about 8 months to prepare once they find out they are expecting, we have roughly 8 weeks, and that's if they don't decide to come early (early-mid April is when our expectant mother would be induced).
I have already been asked if will we have a shower. My answer: not until the 30 day revocation period is up. The 30 day what? In NY, birth parents have 30 days to change their mind when working with an agency. While we feel that our expectant mother is very set in her decision, anything can happen and we need to protect our hearts.
Please keep praying for everyone involved. That we will be prepared for these sweet lives to enter our family, that the expectant family will be at peace with this difficult decision, that our expectant mother will remain healthy, that the boys will be healthy and strong and that the baby with Down's will not develop any heart defects.
Also, if you feel led to contribute financially, you can still do so by sending a tax deductible donation to Lifesong for Orphans. Check can be made out to Lifesong for Orphans with "preference Zehr#3590" in the memo line and mailed to PO Box 40/202 N. Ford St. Gridley, IL 61744 or online at www.bothhands.org/zehradoption by clicking the "donate" button.
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